If there is something that all of us strive towards is happiness.
Happiness not only feels really good, but science tells us it is one of the greater predictors of good physical health.
Look:
From all the 32 podcasts, books, articles, and studies on the matter, and all the happy people I know, there is a pattern that is a completely different approach to how we usually think of happiness, we are doing it wrong all along.
Striving for happiness
We want to be happy… we don’t want to suffer…
But there is a problem when we are striving for happiness, we fail to accept the fact that suffering is inevitable and it’s part of being alive. And is the only reason that the concept of happiness even exists. There would be no day if there was no night, there would be no light if there was no dark, the same way, happiness only exists because suffering exists.
A study by Iris Mauss at the University of California, Berkeley, asked the participants a series of questions to know how much the person focused on striving for happiness, those were the ones that failed to enjoy moments as they were happening during the day and reported more depressive toughs during the day.
In another study, people listened to classical music or watched a happy film, those who were told to try to feel as happy as possible ended up in worse moods than those who simply listened to the music or watched the film.
We don’t need studies and papers to know this.
Buddhism and Buddhists have been trying to teach this to humanity for centuries.
“There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.”
Buddha Share
If the usual approach doesn’t work.
What should we strive towards then?
The Real Path and the GAS Framework
You can’t buy happiness
The problem with Western societies is that we are tough to pursue happiness in a personal journey, possessions, careers, and all those things that they promise us.
In other cultures, the pursuit of happiness is perceived as family moments and social activities.
If you try to think of a moment that you were really happy and satisfied, you will rarely say the moment I bought that car… or the moment I graduated from university…
Most of the time, those are vibrant moments and experiences and moments with our family and friends. And most of the time outside of ourselves.
A person who is not satisfied with something he already has will never be able to be satisfied no matter how much he gets.
Expectations
Mo Gawdat, author and creator of the 1 Billion Happy movement, says that happiness is a matter of expectations.
The moment you are unhappy is the moment your expectations about what should be happening are not in line with what is really happening.
The same happens in relationships, problems occur when our expectations about the other person are not in tune with what the other person is doing. And when communication is not good, tension occurs.
We fail to accept reality as it is, and we reflect all our expectations on how it should be and how it should be different than it is, whether or not it’s justified or true, the only way to happiness and satisfaction is a continuous effort to accept things as they are.
And with that, I don’t mean that if you are in a shitty situation you should stay that way, what I am saying is that you should accept that you are in that situation and see things as they are, and only when you accept that you can really do something about it.
““If you can afford the brain cycles to worry about the future, then by definition, you have nothing to worry about right now. Right now, you’re okay”
Mo Gawdatt Share
Gratitude
90% of our thoughts are negative, 90% of the news are negative…
Why is that you ask?
Humans tend to notice the negative and overlook the positive, the so-called negativity bias.
We probably rooted that way of thinking for the survival of our ancestors — we should pay more attention to the dangers around us, so we can survive.
In our modern society, most of us are not concerned with our survival or if there is a jaguar around the corner.
But the negativity bias, however, still shapes our perception.
We will overlook the 95% of positive and good things that happened in the day and only focus on the negative things. We will pay attention to the food being a little cold, and forget the privilege that is being able to have food with your family and the joy that comes from that, having a roof over your head, etc.
Here is the good news:
If there is one antidote to the negativity bias is practicing gratitude. And there are dozens of studies backing it up.
Practicing gratitude and being grateful for the things you have, the moments you have, and the people in your life will give you more satisfaction over your life.
It is like a muscle, when we practice gratitude, we are saying to our mind, look for the positive in this moment, and the more we do it, the more effortless it becomes.
90% of reality is fine, we are simply learning to view reality past our negativity bias.
Action point:
If you want to start practicing gratitude, simply journal with pen and paper or any digital note-taking tool every evening or morning.
Just list 3 or 5 things that you are grateful for that moment.
And set reminders so you don’t forget until you create the habit.
“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
Marcus Aurelius Share
Detachment
We believe that if we attach ourselves to things, persons, experiences, toughs, emotions, etc, they will not disappear.
If there is one truth about the universe is that nothing is permanent and everything is constantly changing.
"Nothing is forever except change.”
Buddha Share
So if we attach ourselves to things, we are setting ourselves to suffering.
With that being said, I am not saying you should not want your family to be happy, or strive forward in your music career.
You should definitely strive for those things, but don’t make your happiness or your well-being a condition or attachment to the result you are pursuing.
“Intention is fine, but attachment is bad.”
Arthur C. Brook Share
With these principles in mind, I made the GAS Happiness Framework.
The GAS Happiness Framework
Wrapping-up
A quick review.
Striving for happiness is paradoxically making us less happy;
You can’t buy happiness and should strive for social connection instead;
The root of our unhappiness is the gap between our expectations and reality, accept life as it is;
We mostly focus on the 10% that is negative, practice gratitude so you can see the other 90% of life that is positive.
I want to end this one with this quote from Arthur C. Brooks, the happiness expert:
“Happiness is not the goal and unhappiness is not the enemy. Getting happier is the goal.”
Arthur C. Brooks Share
I hope you got something valuable in this edition of Curiosity Fuel, and thank you for reading, it means the world.
It’s always an honor to be in your inbox, until next Sunday. 👋
— Idris Moura