I’ve got a phone that works just fine… but just look at my buddy’s latest smartphones.
I value my health… but look at other people going for marathons while I take daily walks.
I have a fulfilling job… but look at how much more exciting other people’s careers seem.
The list goes on and on…
If this resonates with you, buckle up and stick till the end (number 4 is the most important)
Why do we constantly compare with others?
We compare every part of ourselves to others. From an evolutionary standpoint, comparison helped us survive, grow, learn , and find partners.
It made sense for our ancestors to learn from and compare themselves with to other peers.
It comes with a price, however…
Comparison makes us unable to be satisfied with our own situation.
We live in a world where so many people have all their needs met and even things we don’t really need, but still struggle because the neighbor has a better car, or travels more than we do.
Where does it end?
Would not it be much better if we stopped comparing ourselves to the other families, and enjoyed and be grateful for our own?
Here is the deal:
Comparison takes away our power, joy, and energy.
It shifts our energy from what we “ have”, to what we “could have”.
That being said, we can’t really get rid of comparison.
But we can definitively change our relationship with it.
So instead of jealousy we find inspiration , instead of hopelessness we find admiration and celebration , instead of “what we could have” we bring our energy to what “we have” and be grateful for it.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Theodore Roosevelt Share
How to stop comparing?
These are the four steps to help you change your relationship with comparison:
1. Limit Social Media Time
We still compare as much as we used to in the past, but with a difference:
Now instead of comparing in our local community, the range of comparisons was increased, and we compare to 4.95 billion social media users in the world.
That’s not all…
You can always, and you will find someone that is doing better or has more than you on social media.
What you will not find is the problems and flaws of people in social media, everyone is trying to make it look like their life is better than the other, all need to be perfect and seem effortless.
How can you not feel not good enough when you only see other people’s “ perfect ” lives?
The easy fix is uninstalling or limiting social media usage time — and being more mindful and intentional when you use it.
2. Practice Gratitude
I can confidently say that I have found in my life that the antidote to comparison is gratitude .
Practicing gratitude is simple.
It’s shifting your mind focus to “what you have” and being grateful for it.
Our mind is so focused thinking on how things should be different from what they are , that we often overlook the good things that we have in our life, and instead, focus on the 10% that is negative (Negativity bias)
The mind It’s like a muscle , the more we look for the negative, the more the mind will look for it — the more we look for what is positive in life, the more it will look for it.
Gratitude is simply training your mind to see life as it is. Because life at its core it’s mostly .
A simple way for you to implement gratitude in your life is simply listing 3 to 5 things that you are grateful every morning or evening.
It can be as simple as the coffee you had, or the roof above you. It doesn’t really matter, list as many things as you can.
I have been doing it on and off for the last year, and I always appreciate it when I do it. I strongly encourage you to give it a try.
3. Celebrate other people’s achievements
When you hear from a friend saying:
“I have gone to the gym today.”
This is what 95% of people really hear when they listen to that:
“Why haven’t you gone to the gym?”
We constantly think about “ what does it say about me”, and “ how does it apply to me”, it’s all about “me”.
In some cases we will even try to find reasons why the other person also has flaws, so “we can feel better about ourselves”…
I don’t need to say why that is not healthy.
Why can’t we celebrate other people’s achievements, and be genuinely happy for them?
And separate our self-worth from the success of our fellow human beings?
The truth is:
You can’t harm another person without harming yourself, and you can’t help another person without helping yourself.
The more you celebrate the success of other people, the easier it is to put your self-worth aside and celebrate it as if it were your own… and the truth is, it really is your own.
4. Water your own grass
“The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”
Ovid, greek poet - 1st century BC Share
We have all heard this cliché at some point, but before I state my point, stay with this thought experiment with me:
Usain Bolt is the fastest man on earth.
That’s a very well-known fact.
Now I ask you:
Do your self-esteem lower knowing that Usain Bolt is faster than you?
No, you know that he has dedicated his life to running.
You can separate your admiration from your aspiration .
You wouldn’t want to be as fast as Usain Bolt, because you know that you have other qualities that are unique to you, and other interests that you want to invest in.
The bottom line?
Everyone has their own unique ambitions, if you were to strive to be good at everything, you would end up being good at nothing. Remember to water your own qualities and unique things that make you who you are.
“When you try to be everything to everyone, you accomplish being nothing to anyone”
Bonnie Gillespie Share
Wrapping-up
A quick review.
Change your relationship with comparison, and find inspiration, motivation, and celebration , where you found hopelessness and envy.
Limit Social Media Time , don’t compare yourself to the “perfect and effortless exterior” lives of people on social media, it’s a distorted view of reality.
- Practice Gratitude, so you can shift your energy from what you “could have” to the amazing things you in your life.
Celebrate other people’s achievements, and find that your self-worth is connected not only to your success but the success of other people.
Water your own grass, explore and invest in the qualities that make you who you are, and don’t change who you are to change how people perceive you better.
I hope you got something valuable in this edition of Curiosity Fuel, and thank you for reading, it means the world.
It’s always an honor to be in your inbox, until next Sunday. 👋
— Idris Moura