This will probably sound weird.
But I have come to realize in my life that the more I try to resist and push away pain and stress, the more stressed and painful my life gets.
Turns out, this is a well-understood concept by Buddhism, the Stoic philosophers, and modern science.
The premise is that Pain is inevitable, but Suffering is optional .
Let’s dive in:
1. Why we suffer
Buddhist teachings start with the premise that life is suffering . (‘Dukkha’)
And attribute its cause to the desire for pleasure, the wish for things to be different (resistance) , and the misperception of the self and the nature of reality.
The concept of resistance fits here — suffering is exacerbated by our desires for things to be other than they are.
But first, let me emphasize this:
This concept doesn’t imply that you should always accept the unpleasant situation you are in.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you should indeed get out of it as soon as you can.
In fact, letting of the resistance to the way things are, creates space for action and change.
Choosing to see and accept things as they are and letting go of the resistance, doesn’t imply that things will or should stay the same, or that we should attach to the way things are now.
‘Anicca’ refers to the Buddhist teaching that all conditioned phenomena are transient, subject to change, and will eventually fade away.
In simple terms: Change is the only constant .
2. The Suffering Equation
“We suffer not from the events in our lives, but from our judgment about them.”
Pain x Resistance = Suffering — it’s a subtle paradox — the more you resist pain, the greater the suffering.
Eventually, life will get hard. Something will happen. You will lose someone you love. Illness will get you.
If that’s the way things are, what’s the point in resisting it? Wouldn’t it be much better if we experienced the hardships of life, without all the suffering that comes from expecting things to be different than they are?
This is easier said than done…
That’s why meditation is one of the best practices discovered to alleviate suffering, reduce stress, and increase well-being.
Meditation involves sitting, anchored in your breath, letting thoughts and emotions come and go – without resisting or judging them.
If you never tried it, I encourage you to. If you have not done it in a while, this is your calling to take action .
Bringing it home
Why we suffer? : Our desire for pleasure, the wish for things to be different (resistance) , and the misperception of the self and the nature of reality.
The Suffering Equation: Pain x Resistance = Suffering — Pain is inevitable, but Suffering is optional.
Choose one insight from today and take action on it.
Last week’s newsletter was about how to finally beat the procrastination cycle.
In case you missed it, here’s your chance to catch up → (🎯 How to become so Productive you forget how Procastination feels like)
I hope you got something valuable in this edition of Curiosity Fuel, and thank you for reading, it means the world.
It’s always an honor to be in your inbox, until next Sunday. 👋
— Idris Moura
