I can’t play basketball, because I am not tall enough…
I can’t study medicine, because I am not smart enough…
I am not worthy of being loved, because I am not good enough…
On and on…
Everyone can relate to this in some way or another.
We are full of limiting beliefs that prevent us from achieving the meaningful things we want to achieve. They keep us stuck . Unable to change in any form.
That’s why I’m sure you will find value in this Curiosity Fuel edition about limiting beliefs and how to finally get over them (step 3 is the most important)
Do we have limiting beliefs?
I saw an interesting video the other day that shows that if you draw a circle around a bug on a piece of paper, the bug will not cross that line.
The bug believes that it is trapped and that there is no way out!
I think this serves as a great analogy to our self-imposed limiting beliefs.
If you believe that you can’t be good at basketball because you are not tall enough — you will indeed be stuck sucking at basketball, forever.
Our perception of the world dictates our beliefs, and our beliefs will dictate our behavior.
Here’s the good news:
There seem to exist people who can just bypass all odds against them and just do what others would consider impossible.
Stuff that others would instantly think that it’s not for them, and come up with dozens of excuses and limiting beliefs as to why they aren’t allowed to do that.
You may ask yourself then:
Where do our limiting beliefs come from?
They come from our mind’s desire to “protect us” from future pain and discomfort.
These limiting beliefs are stories that we tell ourselves about why we can’t be or do a specific thing.
And the mind is really good at coming up with the most elaborate stories and excuses, so you can stay comfortable in your bubble and avoid that discomfort.
It will tell you:
- “Oh no no, you can’t do [insert-activities] , because you are not [insert-limiting-beliefs ]”
Can take the form of things like:
…because I am — too old — too young — too busy — too stupid — too smart — too poor — too fancy — you get my point.
They also can often come from past bad experiences.
Maybe you played badly in your first soccer game, so then you assume you are not a good player, and you never play again.
And that limiting belief stays with you. Forever. For the rest of your life.
Limiting your growth and true potential in this life.
The truth is:
All people who accomplished something meaningful or have done what most people would consider impossible , all experience the same self-imposed limiting thoughts that we do.
However:
They understand that they need to take action to build new beliefs and break free from the old ones. And they are willing to face the discomfort that comes with it.
4-Steps to finally overcome your limiting beliefs
1. Step out of your comfort zone
There is only one way in which you can change your belief about being a bad public speaker, or any other limiting belief you have.
And that it is to create new evidence/results that break your old belief, so a new one can be formed.
In the public speaking case, the action is going out there and actually practicing public speaking.
Facing the fear, discomfort, and failure directly. So you can grow and learn from it.
And create new supporting evidence that changes your beliefs.
But you have to start with the action.
You can’t expect to believe that you are a good public speaker if you have not practiced speaking in public for time enough.
“Don’t be so attached to who you are in the present, that you don’t give your future self a chance.”
Vihn Giang, Keynote speaker and Magician Share
We need to learn to lean in and to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. That’s the only path to personal growth, accomplishment, and fulfillment.
“Our whole life is set up in the path of least resistance. We don't want to suffer. We don't want to feel discomfort. So the whole time, we're living our lives in a very comfortable area. There's no growth in that.”
David Goggins, Navy SEAL, and Athlete Share
2. Accept that there are things you can’t change
Unfortunately, there are things that you can’t change.
Maybe you have a disability — maybe you didn’t had a father figure growing up — maybe you grew up in a bad family environment — maybe it’s your country, your age, your sex, etc …
The question remains the same:
Are you going to let those events, define you and your identity and serve as an excuse as to why you are not capable or worthy of accomplishing anything meaningful in your life?
We all are given a hand of cards, and what you do with those is up to you.
You have 2 choices:
You either surrender to life and quit because you didn’t get the cards you wanted.
Or you can use the cards you are given and do the best you can with them.
Oscar Pistorius, with both his feet amputated, was the first Olympic athlete in history to compete in equal conditions with other non-disabled athletes.
And here is what he has to say:
"You are not disabled by the disabilities you have, you are able by the abilities you have.”
Oscar Pistorius, Olympic and Paralympic athlete Share
The Stoics philosophers also said more than 2 millenniums ago: focus on the things that matter and that you can change, and accept the things that you can’t.
“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not."
Epictetus, Stoic philosopher, 135 AC Share
3. Question your beliefs
Much of our beliefs very often get formed in our childhood years and experiences.
But here is the deal:
How many of them do you think are keeping you stuck right now? or are even real in the first place?
The beliefs that served you in the past, could not be serving you right now, in this moment.
But we never question them or see if there is any real evidence that can suggest that it’s true.
Here’s the good news:
You can let go of those beliefs that don’t serve you anymore.
But you need to have clarity on where it came from, and what purpose it had at the time.
We should question our beliefs all the time.
- Is this true? What is the evidence that suggests that this is true?
- Is it possible that it was true back then, and not anymore?
Socrates believed that the way to get to the truth is to debate and question everything.
To get to the core of your belief, write in a journal — 5 times, until you get to the root of your limiting belief.
If you bring the root of your belief from your subconscious to your awareness, you will get more clarity , and a greater ability to let go of it.
“Assume nothing, question everything.”
James Patterson, Author Share
4. Embrace Failure
We are all afraid of failure.
We avoid it so much, that we often choose to not try at all rather than to feel the discomfort associated with it.
However, the sooner we realize that failure is inevitable and also desirable in our lives, our relationship with failure will change.
There is a direct correlation whit failure and success.
“If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.”
Steven Barlet, Entrepreneur and Podcaster Share
You shouldn’t worry about failing at all, what you should worry about instead is:
Are being paralyzed by fear of failing so much that you are unable to move forward to your goals?
Are you learning from your mistakes?
Failure is knowledge, opportunity, feedback, learning, and growth.
Embrace failure, it’s the only path to success.
Wrapping-up
A quick review:
Your limiting beliefs are a wall to your personal growth, make sure you are not drawing self-imposed limits around yourself.
The mind is designed to create stories and excuses, don’t attach yourself too much to those stories (because I am too young, too old, etc) , use what you have.
Step out of your comfort zone, and be action-focused , so you can create new evidence and results that break your limiting beliefs apart.
Accept that there are things that you can’t change, focus on what matters and is within your control, and ignore the rest.
Question your beliefs, and get to the root of them, get clear on how they are not serving you anymore so you can let go of them.
Embrace failure, failure is part of the journey to success, and it is knowledge that you can use to improve.
I hope you got something valuable in this edition of Curiosity Fuel, and thank you for reading, it means the world.
It’s always an honor to be in your inbox, until next Sunday. 👋
— Idris Moura